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Agoraphobia

by Spirit Dad

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about

I wrote this song right around my 30th birthday in December 2020. I get pretty depressed around my birthday a lot but this year was a particularly hard one for everyone as I'm sure whoever is reading this is well aware. Covid has definitely made it easier to fall into habits of isolation. It's weird to have a coping mechanism like writing songs, where solitude tends to lead to more art, but vocalizing your feelings outside of song with the world can feel more alienating. I hope you enjoy this one and get something from it maybe? Maybe it connects with you too. I wrote this as an honest albeit depressing acoustic song, but when I went to start demoing, it definitely took shape in a fun and cathartic process that turned into this alt-country emo tune. I might release a couple other versions of this one soon too. Anywhoo, thank you for listening and I love you.

lyrics

lyrics:
I like to get up at 6am and get out on the town when no one's around.
To rise before the sun, so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's not that I hate other people, but for all this living I can't stop giving so much of myself to everyone else.
Oh, I'll hesitate so much that it devastates everyone I meet.
Interactions seem seldom spared from anxiety of my own despair and it feels so embarrassing. It's like I'm standing in the rain.
Maybe I should just wave and smile instead of telling to how my grandma died and so did my wife's dog. That one we took pretty hard.
Oh no, I made it weird and that's exactly what I feared would happen once again.

With every situation, I can't control the state that I'm in, I wish that I could make it end.

Even when I'm in my own house I will blacken the room to keep the whole world out. I won't open up the blinds. It's like I've got something to hide.
I'd like to say that it's the pandemic but it ain't that simple. It must be limbic. I don't see these tendencies disappearing when we get the vaccines.
Oh man, I wish it would. Agoraphobia ain't no good. What the hell is wrong with me.

With every situation, I can't control the state that I'm in, I wish that I could make it into another day of mindful understanding but I don't like the shape that I'm in and it's wearing me thin.

I don't want to control the weather. I don't want to feel untethered. I'm fearing inspiration before it ever comes my way.

I'm breathing in through my nose and out my mouth, but these allergies close all of my passage ways every time I try to meditate.
Screaming at me all around, but because they laugh doesn't make me a clown and I don't want to relate if it means I become something I hate.
I'll overcompensate, just to feel seperate from all the other men.

With every situation, I can't control the state that I'm in. I wish that I could make it into another day of mindful understanding. Compassion for complacencies and our complicit ways.

credits

released April 23, 2021
Recorded and Mixed in the Fortress of Gratitude

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about

Spirit Dad San Marcos, Texas

Spirit Dad is the solo project of multi-instrumentalist, Sasha Sonnier. More a means to an end than a musical centerpiece, this project showcases demos self produced by Sonnier in their home studio. Some songs may be on future albums in other projects, in totally different genres, some will likely fade into oblivion once the simulation breaks entirely. ... more

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